Choky Ion

Aiya, be brave a bit la.

2012-02-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

After so many days after STPM, I am still stuck in my house without a job. Seriously I start to get bored with everything in my house.
Currently I am having a cold war with my mum and that is why I am desperate for a job. I wish I can go back and study form sixth again. At least I know I will be happier in that way.
It is torturing not to twist and turn my brain for a super long time.
During cold war, I tried to find what causes this to happen. I guess the main reason is that I am too lazy to find a job outside and yet I am lazy to do house chores.
It looks like my mum starts to force me to choose between these two things in her own way. So at last, I unwillingly choose to find a job outside.
On positive side, I will have a golden chance to earn some money but that is not the main purpose. What I need is freedom. I saw a quote on TV. It is in Chinese but I tried to translate it in English.

“Freedom is something that needs you to have self-discipline and self-confidence before you get it.”

I guess I am not self-disciplined and confident enough to deserve freedom. I should be confident and brave to overcome my phobia to uncertainties. I sincerely hope that working outside will make my life more colorful.

I am so going to get a job!

Thanks. =)

2012-01-05T01:37:00.001-08:00

Can't believe I am so calm right now.
I should not blame them anyway. If I were they, I might do the same thing as well.
They thought a lot on the consequences and impact on me.
Although it's more or less the same. Haha.
Anyway thanks. =)

My friend told me something just now, which I already knew last time.
It's proven that my instinct quite accurate also. Be careful of me.
Maybe it's because I already have some "mental preparation". Hehe.
Let's talk about my feeling at that time.
First, GREAT DISAPPOINTMENT. Honestly.
Then, angry. Why they didn't tell me?
Last, luckily I still able to calm down and think for awhile.
For me, right or wrong is not that important anymore.
Every one do make some silly mistakes in their life.
What I usually is...
1. Express your sadness. Don't hide it inside. Cry if you think necessary. Cry at a dark corner if you are shy. ;)
2. Try to get a conclusion and try to get a solution. *There are no solution for some matters la.*
3. You got a lesson. You have there something worthy of memory now.
4. This is the last and most important step. Don't regret. No pain no gain ma.

Since you already knew this, why still you having these hard feelings?
Yes. I already knew that, but that's only my guessing. Aiya, confirmation is still required ma.
Now it's confirmed. I shall accept it. That's what I learnt last time.

All of us had a tough time. And I would thank them. Thanks for taking good care of my feelings.
Lastly I would like to apologize if I did anything wrong on you.
If you see this, just forgive me only la.
If you still can't forgive me, perhaps you would change your mind when you see this.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
Suzanne Somers

Every tear drop is a waterfall

2011-12-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

Two days after STPM.
Today I am going to tidy up my room and keep all my books inside a box.
My sister falls sick again. My parents brought her to the doctor.
And I am HOME ALONE. Again.
I woke up at 7.30am, hang clothes, watch TV, played piano for 15 minutes maybe?
Then I am here in front of the computer and blog.

I just downloaded a song called “Every tear drop is a waterfall” by Coldplay.
After listening to this song my holiday mood came back for awhile.
Honestly I don’t understand what they are singing when I heard this song for the very first time.
But I like the rhythm and beat.
I like Chinese songs, English song and some Japanese songs too but not Korean song.
Just don’t know why. Maybe it’s because I am jealous of their good-looking face?

Part of the lyric of the song is here:
“I turn the music up,
I got my records on.
From underneath the rubble sing a rebel song.
Don't want to see another generation drop.
I'd rather be a comma, than a full stop.”

The last sentence impresses me.
Form 6 is a comma for me. =)

Another part is here.
“As we saw, oh this light
I swear you emerge blinking into
To tell me it's alright
As we soar walls
Every siren is a symphony
And every tears a waterfall.”

I become quite optimistic after listening to this part, especially when I sang with the music out of tune.
Luckily there’s no one in the house now.
“As we SSSSAAAWWW……OOOOWWHHHH this light.”
I feel satisfied at that particular moment. XD

At the last part,
“So you can hurt, hurt me bad
but still I'll raise the flag.”
Don’t worry. Currently there is no one is hurting me.
Just in case when I get hurt in future which is unlikely to happen? XD

Holiday!

2011-12-15T23:05:00.001-08:00

I saw one of my friend’s blog. OMG, it looks so nice!
Nice drawing. Nice blog skin.
Out of boredom I am going to blog something.

Hey! STPM is history for me now.
No more books. No more study. No more Co-co activities. No more study. =)
But too bad at the same time,
No more schooling. No more chitchatting. =((
*PS: I miss the chitchatting session the most.*

Time flies so fast. One and a half year of Form 6 life is over.
And unfortunately I already start missing form 6 just after only one day!
And I still have a few months to pass.
STPM is over and yet no one asks me for outing. =(

Feel like doing something meaningful. But I can’t think of any.
I hate the feeling when I don’t use my brain for a long time,
But I hate the feeling when I “over think” and get emotional MORE!
The only I sooth myself is telling myself that
“Unlike mathematics, there’s always something that you can never solve in your life.”
It might sound a bit passive,
But that’s what I have to or forced to in other words,
This is so that I can get rid of the feel of guilt in the past.
And move on. Warh. Why suddenly I sound so emotional?

Now I start to have some inspirations. Hehe.

I want to go for mountain climbing. Any mountain will do.
It usually will calm my heart down. And my brain will feel extremely fresh.
I feel protected walking inside a mountain.
And I feel like being hugged by someone. Maybe it’s Mountain god?
And I feel like I can tell all the wrong things that I did last time.
And she will definitely listen and forgive me by keeping quiet.

I want to have a nap lying on a field. Any field will do.
If I am an element of group one and stress are valence electrons,
Then the field would provide me enough first ionization energy to ionize and oxidized spontaneously into a free uni-positively charged “Choky” ion
Move randomly in aqueous form.

A trip! Anywhere will do.
I don’t want to stay at home.
At home, “Choky” ion will be in lattice structure and unable to be a charge carrier.
I won’t let this happen!
I will pray so that someone would plan a trip and ask me to go.

I want to watch a movie with lots of actions, a comedy movie and a movie that able to make me cry. (I know there is a lot out there.)

All I have now is plan. But I need activation energy. Keke.

Old Time Story.

2011-09-22T06:27:00.000-07:00

Old time story.

My grandma passed away.
It was a morning when I was forced to go Kepong Baru pasar with my mum.
Soon we got a call saying that grandma just passed away.
Shocked. Went to school to mohon cuti.
4 hours to Penang.
When I reached there, there was coffin with my grandma inside.
They applied face make up on her. Now, still, I don't like it.
They should let us to see her face, a face we are familiar to look at.
Which enables us to recall what she did for us last time.
During our journey back to Penang, my parents told my sister and me something I just can't forget.
"Don't cry later. So that she can go for another journey of life peacefully. Somewhere she will live a better life. Don't leave her any regret or worries."
Soon they had a session like reading letter they wrote to show their gratitude towards her.
That was disaster for my family. The content was about her dedication to the family.
Almost everyone cried. But my family and I tahan our tears so hard. Luckily we managed to do so.
That night I cried. Silently. Without being noticed.
Reminds me of her smile when we reach Penang for Chinese New Year festival. Accepting Ang Pou from her hands. And before we go back, she will give us some sweets and biscuits to eat.
Had a very special feeling. My subconscious just don't remember that she passed away.
Having many questions. Where did she go? Where's my ah ma?
I am not very close to my ah ma. But why am I having a sad feeling?
Just so strange.
Now I accepted. She has to rest. She is now heading towards another part of her life.
She needs to move on.
She did so much for us and what we should do now is give our sincere blessing to her.
May you live well. Thank you for your contribution.

下辈子，无论爱与不爱，都不会再见。

Outing plz!

2010-11-21T17:17:00.000-08:00

Went to I-city. Yeah. A nice trip.
And the very first trip with 6B2.
some from 6B1 and 6B3. Didn't talk to them anyway. Not because of Class-ism.
But, just... no topic to talk about only la.

Went there by Wei Chun's car with Xuan Hui and Yvonne.
And Yi sen drove his car "insanely".
Talked crap... Everyone laughed.
And the consequences is used too much energy to talk crap.
Became moody. Miss my friends again.
And the scenery reminds me of my past. And my mistake i did. =(
Next time must control my "crapidity".

FULAMAK!
One week is over! And I still haven't touch my book and start doing my homework.
Cheh~ One week only ma. Still 6 more weeks! Relax la.
Cannot leh. Yumcha-ed too many times. Must control la.
What the heck la. Go with friends only ma. Somemore go mamak only. Not clubbing also.
Form 6 ma. Must study hard! I wanna get 4 flat.
Walau! Next year baru STPM la. Now study also will forget one la! Now relax next year study la! STUPID! Last minute study baru effective ma.

This conversation shows bizarreness and boredness I'm having now.
Somebody save me! I wanna go out yumcha!
With condition that there're someone who can fetch me out of here.
PLEASE!

I Need You To Understand!

2010-11-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

Form 6! I am now in form 6. Just can't believe I'm in form 6!

Wanted to go to college but at last I still....go for form 6.

And I failed my Math T for my very first time!

Kinda upset but back to normal really fast.

And this time, my result is back to normal.

Not very good. But luckily, above average.

Had a look on her blog. Looks like she managed to live her life well.

Really well. Wish her good luck in her life.

She's in college. With her beloved friends.

Got nothing I can do but just look at her at a really far distance.

And it's hurt! =(

My mum makes me feel so upset. Just one small matter and she just refused to talk to me anymore. And it's not a big matter.

I just hope to gain some respect from you. Is that hard?

I never get angry on you for more than 5 hours.

And you just slammed the door and scolded me with no mercy.

SOB! That's good as well.

We both need some time. For me to think and for you to calm down.

I know sometimes we need to overcome some obstacles in our life. But sometime it's just not as easy as you think. It's not that simple.

And I fall in love with Travie McCoy's songs (Need you).

I need you to understand.....you you you!

Repeat repeat! Shout!

It's a great song! At least it soothes my pain for a while!

Haiz. SOB!

Just don't want to see her face! Jeez!

I wanna go out from here. But I got no car!

I will make myself a super saturated milo solution,

and pour it into my super-dehydrated brain. =)

Miss my friends! I seldom makes friends. Just don't know why.

Sick of all the insincere. AiiiiyyayayayayayA! I need something to hit!

无题

2010-03-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

天气热死啦！家里新年囤积的汽水快要被我喝光光了，让我开始珍惜一口气喝完一罐汽水，然后无畏惧地大声打呃的快感！赞！

最近的生活有点无趣，每日的时间表几乎都是一样的。不过幸好，我能从可爱的小孩中得到一点慰籍，至少没那么无聊。不用担心，我还记得老师的伟大，没把老师们的尊严给丢光。我最喜欢看到的是，小孩与小孩之间的谈话。他们都是直接的将脑子想的说出来，直截了当，或用江湖的用词，痛快！当然有些真的很难搞，有些脾气很坏，霸道，粗鲁，蛮横，狡猾。。。。。。一不小心就说了那么多。

大伯，走了。我没哭过，不是因为我黑心，而是对他的印象不多。不过接到消息时，心里有点错愕。之前已知道大伯的病情，只是没想到那么快。他的一生，因赌博而被糟蹋了。他深受其害，但依然深陷其中。从伯母和堂姐的眼里，流露出淡淡的哀伤。他的丧礼很庄严，经费庞大。虽是这样，我觉得这丧礼没哀伤的味道，已经沦为是一种形式罢了。有些人还是在丧礼上花天酒地，聊天南地北。该做的，他们都做了。心里想的，是不是对大伯的缅怀，我不知道。我没有勇气不看他最后一面，也因工作而没送他最后一程。说这么多，都不重要了。但愿他，一路好走。

=.=

2010-01-06T01:23:00.000-08:00

这几天，到了我妈工作的幼儿园，当了一个不称职的小小老师。第一天，刚入学的四岁小孩们，都如预期般的大哭大闹，都不肯离开从小依靠的父母的怀抱。哇哇哇！！！淅沥淅沥留下的眼泪，满脸从鼻腔喷出的鼻涕，哭肿的双眼，怪可怜的。有些恨不下心的父母不放心，一直偷偷地从窗口的缝儿看。他们以为孩子看不见，其实不然。已经“冷静”下来的小孩，望到父母又继续号啕大哭，这时就可以看到老师无奈的神情。

讲了这么多，我好像很可怜酱。其实四岁是别人In-charge的。而我，只是稍微管管六岁的小朋友，轻松得很。说几句Broken English，嘻嘻哈哈，逗他们开心，他们顽皮我骂，他们到处乱跑我抓。小朋友都很喜欢Outdoor Session，就好像我们很喜欢Pend. Jasmani一样。其实我也很喜欢。他们有些应该会崇拜我吧！因为我可以轻松地将小篮球投进对他们来说很高的篮球篮。原来，我在这里可以找回失去已久的“自傲”。

从小孩的双眸与笑容，清楚可见可爱纯真的他们。=)

愿圆缘

2009-12-29T01:11:00.000-08:00

这几天，觉得很无聊。有点歉疚，但又觉得这是我承担得起的假期。毕竟SPM过了，无所事事一两个星期应该不打紧吧！很想到外，与即将分离的朋友出门。回想之前胡乱挥霍的青春，心里有说不出的滋味，五味参杂。之前到ShoGun 见识一下三四十种寿司的威力。鲍鱼粥，生蚝，海蜗牛等等等等。虽然RM37还是在心里刺了一下，但众多食物给我的胃带来的饱足感及给我那三寸舌头的满足感，还是让我觉得蛮值得。=)

还有献给阳的第一次，第一次去唱Karaoke 。从刚开始有点的尴尬，逐渐疯狂；从刚开始低声小雨，到后嘶喊的声音。原本要放照片，但我的样子真的很。。。丑！！

但有些事物，我真的很不舍得。稚气的脸庞，逗笑的笑容，哀伤的背影等等太多的人与事，让我有点喘不过来。我们之间并没真正的告别，只有暂时的分离。回首消逝的这五年来，有点孤独。发现我真的太亏待我的朋友了。。。身在静谧的夜晚里，心里很懊恼。人生，因缘而聚，亦因缘而离。但我真的很想他们，穿着校服的他们。

人生就是如此吧！一直得前进，由不得你去回头；一直去开扩美好，美好的未来，由不得你去追搠旧时已定型的过去。由不得你去失望，只因你得去寻找新的希望；由不得你舍不得之前的交情，只因你得去圆下一段即将来临的缘。

十分之九

2009-12-08T04:55:00.000-08:00

考试过了九十巴仙，十科剩下华语。

当然，我的心情如今真的是心花怒放，

简单来讲，就是很爽~！！

心里还是不停叮咛自己的脑海，

“栋栋，考试还没结束！！”

不能太松懈，冷了就不能继续了。。。

Biology时就是如此，

考完Add Math后，冷了下来，

结果头脑迟钝了，

Biology前一天读到头脑有点迟钝。

我妹妹也说：“哥哥读书很疯狂，读到脑袋块爆炸了。”

尤其Sejarah，去Cekap补Siiva的Intensive Special Class，

发现到自己好多东西还没读。

回到家，躺在床上，辗转难眠，梦里都在想着Sejarah。

痛苦死了，然后用3天半的时间将Form 4和Form 5的历史统统杀了。

那一种天昏地暗的读法，我实在不敢再领教第二次。

剩下华语了，应该没什么问题，

虽然不是十拿九稳，但应该有十拿七稳吧！！

加油，华文子弟们！！

哈芝节万岁！

2009-09-17T03:02:00.000-07:00

哇哈哈！！！

考试预先结束了，因为已经延后了。

星期五原本是考Biology的，

正当我在烦星期四没时间读书的时候，

突然间，有人宣布星期五是假期。

刚开始，是一阵高兴，

然后，就是一阵伤心。

很可惜星期五依然有补习。

我原本很想赶快了结掉考试压力，

但得拖到下下个星期二再考。

不过不用紧，

星期六跟朋友去Times Square，

下个星期二去Semenyih爬山，吃好料，

再回来读书。

读书永远是我最后的事项，呵呵。

考试周，最可怜的一天是星期一。

星期天晚上十点，读了一整天的书后，睡不着，

第二天八点到下午两点，考完试，直接去补习，到晚上八点，

回到家，八点半，

读书，到十点半，

睡觉，到第二天六点。

躺在床上，满脑子还是Physics和Chemistry。

Radioactive Decay，Heat Capacity，

Anode and Cathode，Redox，Rate of Reaction。

真得快疯了。

还有40多天就到SPM，

巅峰期快到了。

考试＝考验＋测试

2009-09-11T17:11:00.000-07:00

考试，以我的认知应该是考验和测试的结合体，

很烦，所以它考验我的耐心；

很累，所以它测试我的体力。

但是这考试未免太久了吧！！

这一次的预考，三个星期之久，

总数是42小时有半个小时。

哇！！要死咯！

所以中三同学们不要认为你们现在很苦，

因为这只是我们的三分之一。

很希望SPM都是选择题，

我们的日子也会好过一点。

之前，被一位朋友骂了，

很要好的朋友，也很客气的朋友。

只因为自己太霸道了。

我说对不起的话后，他也原谅了我，

就这样结束了。

但一个忧虑在我脑袋里荡漾。

以后的社会里，没有人愿意骂我，

我就继续犯错，问题可能会接踵而来，

怎样？我不懂。

有时，我做事有时真的没用脑。怎么办？

读书 VS 玩耍

2009-08-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

预考来咯！

之前，伽健来我家读书，

说是读书，倒不如说是折磨，

三天两夜，目标是读完历史会考的chapter，

结果咧，连中五的chapter都没读完。

目标简直就是“遥遥不可及”。

发现到伽健是一个“温驯”的人，

他仿佛不会生气，有相当有礼貌。

可能是因为他口中顽皮的妹妹吧！

把他的脾气给磨掉了。

一直读，一直读，读到我们俩很累，

十点半上床，不过是两张不同的床。

虽然很累，但还是拖到一点睡。

在房间里，听歌，聊天，玩耍，

聊些感情事，他的感情事，

我没有感情事，讨厌！

直到真的很累了，才甘愿睡觉。

伽健说还要再来，因为每次来我家都是读书，

下次是玩耍，将遗憾补回去。

伽健，很特别，

是唯一一个朋友，说要再来我家，

其他的，来我家都只想快点回家，

我家太闷了，没什么特别。

他要走的时候，说了一句“名言”

“终于摆脱你了！”

我顿时不懂怎么回答。

这一次读的书，不多，

这一次玩的耍，不少。

西瓜的地位

2009-08-21T18:09:00.000-07:00

现在只有一件事，能形容我的处境。

小时候有一次，我生病了。

就那么的巧，我妈买来了一个超级甜的西瓜，

正当我要冲上去把它咬个精光时，我妈说了一句：

“你生病，不可以吃哦！”

这句话，

对一个如此可爱又帅气又单纯又纯真又很贪吃的七岁小孩来说，

简直就是晴天霹雳。

当时的我很乖，没有多说只好坐在一旁，

默默看着心爱的西瓜一块一块地消逝在他们的肚里。

眼泪也哗啦哗啦地流了下来。

对一位小孩，这是很痛苦的，

因为小孩根本不知什么是痛苦，真好！

当大家都在说：“Happy Holiday@!!”

我心里有点纳闷，

干吗SPM预考在假期后吗？

AH1N1这么严重了，难道不能延后吗？

或者破例取消SPM?

有点不甘愿，所以想起陈年往事。

哎呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀呀！！！

先在这里发泄一下下，

要不然眼泪又像以前那样哗啦哗啦地流了下来。。。

虽然这也不算是痛苦，只是有点厌倦。

杂文两篇

2009-08-07T16:32:00.000-07:00

今天我没去上课！！

开始有点罪恶感了。

早上窝在被单中，很爽！

睡到自然醒，更加爽！！

当然，我身体也是有点不舒服啦！

不知道是不是心理作用，突然又酱多病痛。

很讨厌，但又有暗爽。

听说学校有人中了A H1N1 流感。

之前我都很期待这一刻，我还以为学校会关。

结果，一点动静都没有。

照理来说，A H1N1 流感的死亡率是400人中会有1人死亡。

但是我国只有一千八九百个，干吗会死这么多人嘞？

那一天去Cekap补习，还有一个小时才到我的课。

没事做，跑去瞄一瞄其他班的课，

刚好望到中三英文课，结果……

那老师反瞪了我一眼，超凶的！

怕死我会偷师，好想把他眼睛挖出来。

拜托！我中五了啦！还偷师中三英文么？！

怕死加怕输。

我原本不要写的，

因为我担心显示出我心胸有多么狭窄，（我会努力的）

但是，我吞不下这口气，一定要爆出来。

要不然，迟早心脏病，戏里都是酱做的。

昨天有Ceramah，上了最久的Bio课。

四节！真的快死了啦！

不过Bio老师还不错，至少很尽责，

只是讲英文好像在唱R&B。

有一点不准。

Care念成Kay

As念成Ass

Unstable念成Unstabil

Forcing念成Forci

等等等等。

有机会，录给大家听，

一起琢磨，切磋切磋。

杂文一篇

2009-08-01T06:47:00.000-07:00

很久没写了。。。当然，也没人发觉。

就像伽健所说的，都没有人看你的部落格啦！！

这句真的有够残忍，不过是事实。

古人说忠言逆耳，或许真言也是如此吧！

我又用华语字写，因为我觉得华语字比较亲近，

我的英文造诣也不高。

去看了SIR-Spell It Right。

连有些小学生的考题我也不会。

拼命找字典，才略知一二。

希望英文能变成一粒药丸，

吞了，就能掌握它。

补习，说真的我补得好累。但是补习是我说要的。

不能反悔也不能返回，

毕竟从父母的反对声浪中坚持了过来。

不过，我父母的论点也不无他们的道理。

他们担心我太累，我也因补习而变懒了。

担心我太依靠补习。

这个嘛，我承认我错了。

父母拼命叫我读书，

也对，这是我的未来。他们为我而担心。

我真的好懒。不读书。好坏。

我知道我坏，但就是懒。

还是一个字，坏。

越想我自己，就觉得我越坏。

坏透了!!

今天我去了少年中国常识竞赛，

到了那，看了二十四令鼓，

不错，有震撼人心的感觉。正！

随之有拉拉队表演，庸俗，没什么特别的。

但我肯定的是。。。好过我校的拉拉队。

很悲哀，但又无可否认。

原本没去竞赛的，因为我妈有一些家事，

加上我不想去到那儿丢人现眼的，

一点都没读，脸都丢尽了。

不过好过上一次在麦当劳被人发现没拉拉链，

还是位女生！那位“邪恶”的女生又将此事公告天下，

仿佛整间学校都知道了。尴尬死了！

但我还是去了竞赛。不错。

临时抱佛脚还有点效用。呵呵！

今天，我妈生日。

很简单，生日蛋糕，生日歌，吹蜡烛。

我妈跟我一样，不爱大事庆祝。

就像她说的，那天是母亲痛苦的时候。

反之，她打了通电话给外婆，

刚好，今天外婆那里出了小风波，

我妈也无心庆祝了。

我的生日更厉害，生日蛋糕，生日歌，吹蜡烛全都没有。

只有八粒汤圆，我家四人平分一人两粒。

吃完了就结束了。当然还有朋友的简讯。

酷吧！我不引以为耻。

但是，我还是喜欢生日蛋糕。哈哈！

生活有时很闷，很想找些刺激的事来做。

但我又不爱交际。

我不是骄傲，或许是没自信吧！

只会窝在家里。在宅男的边缘了。

亲情，友情，爱情

2009-06-27T02:18:00.000-07:00

猜测

是我目前做着，也是我唯一能够做的事。

担心，也是徒然。

仿佛是一名弱者，静静地等待被宰割的那一刹那。无可适从。

在背后，假装的殷勤，内心的挣扎，口是心非。

我在干吗呀？！如此折腾自己。

找事来烦。

真

没有半点隐藏。

跟着她，没有别的，就只有她。

不虚假，不虚伪，不装模做样。

连说话也是。做事也是。笑的时候也是。

可以说是小孩子似的真。

因此，我开始思索，

我到底应该扮演怎样的角色。

哥哥

不越界，甚至没有界限。

承诺，对她而言，纯粹只是一个负担或压力。

拖累她未来的人生。这样的话，我宁愿不要。

我希望我只是一位无名氏。

从旁静静地看她走她自己要的人生。

摆脱幻想回到哥哥的岗位，虽有不舍与不甘但没有后悔

芽

2009-06-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

刚刚从种子培训营回来，获益良多。之前的我，其实还犹豫，挣扎，到最后的逃避。
因为我不坚强，无法接受过失，原谅不了自己。
我知道了，但我一直觉得有心无力。
我过不了我自己的那一关。自己是最大的敌人。
遇到人群，害怕不敢上前。童年阴影依然烙在脑海里。

这一次营里，俊霖老师带的一个课程里，播放了种子的照片。
心里有一点温暖，开始回温。从社会的冷酷无情中，找到了温度。
原来，我在学舍至少有度过如此美好的一段童年。
回想起来，感慨万分。看回自己小时候的笑容，我却想哭了。
写到这里，一切都在无言中。

人生，就只有一条路。
死路！！
所以需要全力以赴地活下去。
我没有做到，懒！！

种子背负了巨大的期望，使命。
但我担心，我是否能承担的起？
当我听到，做人要顶天立地时，眼睛淹水了。
感觉到，我似乎辜负了对我的信任与期望。
小时候，我就是弱者。悲伤，失望，甚至是绝望。
所以我害怕别人对我的期望。
因为我承担不起啊!我担心我会辜负了别人对我的信任与期望。
然后对我绝望，过后我跟着绝望。
我想保护我那一分微薄的自信与尊严。
如果不保护，就没了。

但因缘不待人，时间不等人。无情但这是事实。
茫然，无助，渺茫。
没有谁能够帮到我，除了我自己。
种子的使命。我竟然没想过这个。还自称种子！！
该打屁屁了。

该想想，人生该有的态度了。

Hesitate

2009-05-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

Exam..... still going on...
my brain suddenly filled with knowledge...
and I know after the exam, my brain will start to reformat everything.
already a few weeks I didn't go to shopping
go for any outdoor activities...
and right now worse....just go to school at morning...
come back home and study...FOR THE EXAM.
Oh my god, this 3 weeks i feel my life just for study....
study for EXAM. To get a good result for my PARENTS not for me.
why I am so lazy? i think maybe it's bcoz of my gene....
Gene is the main cause just like what Bu Yeow said.

i am so... shy... sometimes....
so usually don talk to others who i don noe.
not refuse to talk to them....but shy....or in other words... scare.
I realised this during ACA...
when Sir Colin talked to me, WALAUA!!!
SCARE!!!! plus Sir don really like shy person.
maybe i think i am a "shameful thing" in my heart.
and i really scare of those girls
we don noe each other but the girl talk to me...
first i will get shocked and dun noe how to react....
stand at there....plus my english is quite poor.
haiz....my ENGLISH is REALLY POOR!!!

i have a crush with a girl...
but then...i just hide my feeling deep in my heart
bcoz....again shy aka scare
scare rejected by her if she knows what i feel
no confidence...i just repeat the same question...
keep on asking the same question...
HOW?HOW?HOW?
at last i get a conclusion
IMPOSSIBLE la!!

and i like silient.... no people...
alone... nothing in my mind....
complete silient...listening at music sometimes.
i like to be ALONE...
for me it's the only time i have my dignity....
my confidence...no one looking at me....
point at my bad...say about me....

i dun wan others to talk bad about me...
but i understand and just let it be.
i always do wrong things and i dun noe.
the worse is i call others not to the mistakes i did before
which i am still doing it....
perhaps what i need is mirror...
looking how sinful i am.
that why people talk bad about me...
i dun noe but i didn't blame them...
bcoz i am the one who did the mistakes
so i am the one who need to change
but i didn't!!!I hate myself!!!
ARGHH!!!
WTF!!!
this make my life sucks like shi*!!!

what's my job in this world?
i did nothing but bring all bad things come to this world.
what have i done?

*blank*

Exam makes my life meaningless...
i dun like people who think they're the most important in the world
these people are useless!!!they bring nothing except ego.
they are worse than a kid who perhaps more humble and wiser than they are
i would rather choose the kid to be in my life if i can choose...
they might be the HERO not only in his heart and also in the world.
but they are ZERO in my soul.
They are noobs who don noe how to be humble, or rudely, they are stupid idiots.
why they want to live their life in such a bad way?
they just think what they did is right...refused to listen to others...
deny his own fault, and don wan to apologize on the mistake they had done.
TOO BAD!!!
i will not respect them...if forced i will PRETEND to respect them.
can u feel the anger in my words?
i hope they will apologize on their behaviour.
many people advise, tell, scold or even scream on them.
they just keep on sleeping and ignore what others say.
they will never wake up!!
HOLY ****!!!
i want to kick them out and i will if i can.

p/s: This post is not subjected on anyone.Thank you.

100 thruths

2009-04-18T03:15:00.000-07:00

001. Real Name: Ooi Chok Dong
002. Nickname(s): Choky Dong...Choky Dong Dong Dong..Chocolate Donkey...
003. Age: 17 years old
004. Horoscope: Sagittarius
005. Male or Female: Male
006. Elementary: Tadika Pelangi, Johor
007. Middle School: SJK(C) Desa Jaya.
008. High School: SMK BSD 2
009. College School: Dun noe
010. Hair colour: Black
011. Long or Short: Short
012. Loud or Quiet: Depends
013. Sweats or Jeans: Not sure
014. Phone or Camera: Phone with camera
015. Health Freak: Yeap
016. Drink or Smoke: Neither
017.Do you have a crush on someone: Yes
018. Eat or Drink: Both.
019. Piercings: No.
020. Tattoos: No.
021. Social or Anti-Social: I dun think so
022. Righty or lefty: Righty
023. First piercing: No.
024. First relationship: Not yet.
025. First Best Friend: Lim Zhen Song
026. First Award: 3rd when I was Standard 3.
027. First Kiss: Havent yet
028. First Pet: No.
029. First Big Vacation: Singapore
030. First Love at first sight: Nope...
031. First Big Birthday: 1 years old
032. First Surgery: Never!!
033. First sport you joined: Soccer gua I think

This or That
034. Orange or Apple juice: Orange juice
035. Rock or Rap: Rap
036. Country or Screamo: Country
037. NSYNC or Backstreet boys: Backstreet boys
038. Britney spears or Christina Aguilera: Britney
039. Night or Day: Night
040. Sun or Moon: Moon
041. TV or Internet: TV
042. Playstation or xbox: xbox
043. Kiss or hug: Hugs.
044. Iguana or turtle: Turtle
045. Spider or bee: Bee. hardworking?
046. Fall or spring: Spring
047. Limewire or iTunes: iTunes
048. Soccer or baseball: Neither...badminton only.

Currently
049. Eating: No
050. Drinking: No
051. Excitement level: 40%
052. I’m about to: Blank
053. Listening to: No.
054. Plan for today: Go to Travis's b'day party
055. Waiting for: "her"
056. Energy Level: 50%
058. Want kids?: Not now
059. Want to get married?: In future gua
060. When?: When i am fated to be.
061. How many kids do you want: Err....3 gua i think...LOLX^^
062. Any name on the mind: Travis
063. What did you want to be when you were little: Doctor, to save ppl?bullsh*t
064. Careers in mind: i haven't think about it.
065. Mellow future or wild: Huh???
066. Something you would never try: Kill "her"?
067. When do you want to die: when it's time...

Which is the better in the boy/girl you like (in the future)
068. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
069. Romantic or Funny?: Romantic
070. Shorter or Taller?: Not too tall
071. Protective or Caring?: Caring
072. Romantic or Spontaneous?: Romantic
073. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: Nice arms
074. Sensitive or Loud?: Neither.
075. Hook-up or Relationship?: Relationship
076. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: Neither
077. Muscular or normal: Normal
078. Kissed a stranger: No
079. Broken a bone: No.
080. Lost glasses or contacts: No.
081. Ran away from home: No.
082. Held a gun/knife for self defence: No lah!
083. Killed somebody: No!!
084. Broken someone’s heart: No one falls in love with me also.
085. Had your heart broken: Yeap
086. Been arrested: No.
087. Cried when someone died: No, maybe.
088. Liked a friend more than a friend: Ya..

Do you believe in
089. Yourself: No.
090. Miracles: No.
091. Love at first sight: No.
092. Heaven: Ya
093. Santa Claus: No.
094. Tooth Fairy: No
095. Kiss in the first date: No
096. Angels: No.

Answer Truthfully
097. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now?: Yeap..."her" la!!
098. Are you seriously happy with where you’re in life now?: Not really
099. Do you believe in God?: Yeap.
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 people.

The last one I'm lazy to tag others....plus I dun really like to talk to others...
except those I really know.

crap~~

2009-03-11T21:36:00.000-07:00

Long time didn't update my blog because I got nothing to write.Besides that, I am quite busy and lazy this few days.

I joined the Perbarisan Pengakap. Although I am noob in perbarisan, but at least better than Yong Tick. Yong Tick joined scout for 5 years but sadly, he sometimes don't know which side is the left and which side is the right. LOLZ....a bit meng"xiasui"kan pengakap. Sorry Yong Tick!!

This is our last year. I mean in my school not in my life. This year the Perbarisan we did formation bunga pecah.

We trained for...I think got more 12 hours. That's we are not bad in perbarisan...at least better then BSMM. Alyf held the first meeting as we already trained for 9 hours. I feel proud about it because we sacrifised so much time in training and getting better and better.

Our troop leader, Ken Chia is the commander. Unfortunately, his voice is not clear and loud enough. He still need to learn from Mindy Choo, the previous TL of 152th. Mindy Choo is a female and Ken is a male but Mindy's voice is much louder then Ken's voice. Meng"xiasui"kan golongan lelaki. Before we form the formation, Ken should shout "Baris akan menbentukkan formasi bunga PECAH.Cepat Jalan!!". But what Ken Chia shouted is "Baris akan menbentukkan formasi bunga LUCAH.Cepat Jalan!!"LOLX...Again, m"xiasui"kan golongan TL. Joking la!!

Still got 2 months before percubaan, but I haven't do anything like study yet. So lazy la...!!
Hate myself la...why so lazy!!
Why? Why? Why so LAZY?

After Exam....

2009-02-25T05:36:00.000-08:00

^_^
Exam for 3 days is over.....
Quite okay. Except for BM, Moral and Bio lo...
in BM paper section B if I'm not mistaken, the Bina Ayat is so hard!!
i dun understand the words also...like lewah...
Never mind. Dun really care about it...

Now i am really worried about my English la...
I'm so poor in English...
say sHallow as sWallow...
Tai Bei some more want us to do the ICAS English Paper...
luckily I'm not registered to take the paper...
cause I'm gonna waste RM 20...
it's really really hard...

lazy to type...
just simply upload pictures la....
long story....
if u wanna noe about it....go have a look at Travis Tai's blog...
link= http://nooneknowstravis.blogspot.com/
(Penang!! part 1)....tagged by Travis and continued by BuBu...

just 2 pictures...so sorry...
tat's all...TATA!!

"selected student"

2009-01-16T15:05:00.000-08:00

Last week i went to skull as usual...
but not Thursday and Friday.
Thursday I went to University of Malaya for an exhibition.
i forgot what it called already.
Maybe is Penyelidikan Rekacipta Inovasi 2009.
actually I'm not interest in Rekacipta....
Just to skip Pn Tigerbeer's class which is extremely boring for me.
My friends and I went to there by Mr Kala & Pn Koh's car.
Mr Kala drove his car really slow man.
maybe his car is a new car, plus the traffic is....jammed.
once we reached there, we waited for a student's mother...
who is a lecturer there.
she talked a lot about her half-a-million project...
Hak Reproduktif which I don't interested as well.
and i don't know how they spend all the $$.
we walked here and there.Looking around.
Victoria Institution and SMK(L) Methodist's presentation not bad.
When we asked them what's their form, they answered form 3.
all of them are form 3 boys!!*shame*
and one thing is SJK(C) Lick Xing's exhibition.
not bad la.very good for a primary skull student.
and they talked in english.
haiz...shame....form 5 le still cannot talk in english properly.
after this we went to AIE.
there are some foreign students from all over the world.
the lecturer somemore introduced us like top student in BSD.
"They are from BSD.They study in A class and selected to come to UM."
but the truth is....anyone who register may join the trip, not through selection.
by the way we are "selected students".

The Auditorium

The Resource Room

The Meeting Room

Guest Room

Padang
I took this picture just for fun=)

how about Friday?!!
it's road run.
all my skull's student have to run...
BUT i am not one of them.
then?What i do?
FIRST AIDER!!actually is a fake one la.
as i know nothing about first aid also.
at the end Jia Jian and I just controlled the traffic only.
no one injured also!!

Pose!!

Jia Jian

......??

STOP!!

Turn Your Head Please...

Puan Nibrasul Huda and JJ Lim

Puan Nibrasul Huda and I

that day got registration also.
but it suck!!!
All of us have to Q up to register for coco activities.
but got so many people cutting the line...
p/s i am one of them who cut the line..LOL

at 2.30pm I got tuition somemore....2.30 till 8.
really tired.almost faint.
oops!!i forgot something!!
yesterday(16/1/2009) is my sister birthday!!

The Birthday Cake

My Sister

wow...so many things happen in this two days...
=)

对新的一年的期待。。。

2009-01-04T01:23:00.000-08:00

365 天酱就过去了。。。

对过去的一年没有什么很特别的感触。。。

有时还会被童年的阴影所影响
真正认识我的人都知道，我是一个有点孤独的人，也不善于表达自己。。。

应该说是有点害羞吧！有时会怀疑我到底有没有自卑症，

童年真的很重要。

对自己没有信心。。。
因为想不到值得荣耀的事情，
也想不到自己有什么优点。
我最憎恨的人是那种知道我的过错，
对他说对不起之后仍然以我的过错刺痛我的心的人。
这种人对我毫无建设，只有破坏而已。

新的一年应该要有目标的。。。

一，离那一些心灵破坏者远远的！！
最好别再见到这些白痴。。。

二，找到一个真正关心我的人
当然我家人都很关心我啦！
有一点点抽象。。。
说得清楚一点应该是女朋友吧！
顺其自然。。。
虽然我依然“无人问津”
（*^_^*)

三，考试顺利。。。
中五来了。
变成学校里的大Gor Gor了。
虽然思想依然酱“单纯”
SPＭ真的很重要啦。。。
我憎恨的压力有排山倒海的冲来。。。
加油加油！
茁栋向你下战书！
准备受死吧！

四，搞好我的钢琴！！
我学钢琴有一段时间。。。
但是依然一事无成。
因为我懒！！
所以钢琴烂到。。。

五，学好英文
我的英文真的很烂．．．
每次有聚会头不敢讲话．．．
怕出丑嘛～～

想不到更多了．．．
设太多目标也不是很好．．．
毕竟实践很重要．．．

Merry Christmas!!

2008-12-25T05:10:00.001-08:00

Christmas Tree....

Christmas Tree...again....

This is something really...ahem...
The designers did a great job...they designed a male deer(stag)...
need closer look?

LOLX!!~!

This is my mum and me....taller than my mum...
I'm not saying tat i am tall....
and my mum is not tall and not short also la...
*dun know what i type...*

My sister and my mum...

my sister...quite tall....

warh~~my holiday....

2008-12-16T02:42:00.000-08:00

long time didn't update my blog le...

i think got 3 weeks going here and there...
i went for 3 camps also...
da 1st camp is TEA Camp(28/11~30/11)
b4 tis i really lazy to go for tis camp...
coz no frienz goin with me...
u noe why?
i have to wake up at 6am...
take bath....go to train station....KTM...
go to KL Sentral....go to Imbi by monorail...
walk to shaw parade....usually i reached there at 8am...
and den when da camp ended...
again i walked back to monorail station...
reached KL sentral....go back to my house by KTM...
i usually reached my home at 10pm...
wake up at 6am...reached my house at 10pm....
sleep at 11pm...wake up at 6am...
geng le~~
but at least da camp let me learn a lot...
how to differentiate tea...
got black tea...red tea...white tea...flower-scented tea...green tea..
blah blah blah...
where it come from...
how to bancuh tea...
i got a few pics...which i get from my frienz's blog...
lolz
hehe^^black tea team!!
i didn't type wrong ya...
hong cha=black tea...
hei cha=red tea...
lolx...

i am da idiot who standing between my friends...
xue min...and yu tong....
hehe^^
i think it's after a competition...
i didn't get any award...
but at least i get number5....
(*^_^*)

kaka
it's me again...
sitting...i am the "father"
beside me is "mother"
and in front of me is my "son"
lolz
got carnation also...
which i paid RM13 for it...
T_T
kaka^^

ok....da 2nd one is Drama camp(5/12~8/12)...
sounds fun rite...?
but actually not really...
dun noe how to control all da children la..
they r really cute but hard to control...
sometimes bcome xiao...
and i also bcome xiao bcoz of them...
lolz
and den i passed my birthday in da camp also...
sad X.X
and no one gimme b'day present...
T_T
no present and no cake...
but at least got frienz sms me...
frienz forever^^
at least learn something....is...
dun regret as u really tried ur best...
juz enjoy it....although sometimes it's bitter la...
endure da pain...learn from it...
and bcome stronger...

last one!!!trip to penang!!!(forgot da date le *@*)
chinese geng(chuen, yang, bu yo, jeremilicious and me)
went to penang...by TRAIN!!!
walauA!!
u noe how long is the journey?
8 hours and 30 minutes!!
alredi can pergi balik between KL and penang...
lolz...and it costs RM17...
quite expensive also..
but at least got experience ma
hehe^^tis is Yue Chuen and Bu Yeow....
and what they holding is da train tickets....

This is Yang Yang and me....
hey~~where's jeremy?!?
oops...sorry jeremy i didn't have ur pics...
jeremy was sitting bside a "pretty malay girls..."
and he enjoyed himself too...
lolx
v played card with some malays...
talked to indians...
v also said harlo to a little indian girl...
she told me her name....
but i forgot alredi
i think is अस्द्फस्द्फ्स्ज्द्क्फ्ह्ल्जा
actually i juz simply type....
here's da girl's pic
(i took tis pics without her permission...kaka...)

geng le!!thx to bu yo!!
v reached butterworth at 4.30am...

i took tis pic when v reached butterworth
waitin for da 1st ferry....at 5.30am..
THIS IS CELCOM TERRITORY...
PENANG!!
i took tis pic when i am standin in another ferry...
sitting da 1st bus to padang tembak at 6.30am...
lolx
i think v reached yang yang's auntie's house at 7am...
v went to padang tembak lo....lolx
and kek lok si...bukit bendera...
i wanna show the pic but it's not with me...
v climbed the hill for 3 hours....
except bu yo and jeremy...
next time i muz show their pics...
they juz walked for 1.09km...and they stopped...
yang, chuen, shu mei(chuen's cousin) and me..
walked for 5 km and reached the top!!
until my legs have to suffer the pain for 3 days...
tat's all...
lazy to type now...
i went back to my ah ma's house during da second day
while they went back at da 3rd day...
bcoz i have to attend my relative's wedding...
and dinner also..
and i earned RM64 by getting ang pou...
hehe^^

excuse when u fail in ur exam

2008-11-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

It's not the fault of student if he/she fails because the year ONLY has 365 days...
typical academic year for a student:
1. Sundays - 52 Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays - 50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.
Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep - 130 days GONE.
Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing- (good for health) means 15 days.
Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies (chewing properly & swallowing) - means 30 days. Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal) - means 15 days.
Days left 81.

7. Exam days - per year at least 35 days.
Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, half yearly and festival (holidays) - 40 days.
Days left 6.

9. For sickness - at least 3 days.
Days left 3.

10. Movies and functions- at least 2 days.
1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday.
How can you study on that day ?!?!?!?!?!

Balance = 0' How can a student pass ?????'

Tuition!!

2008-11-13T17:55:00.000-08:00

last time when i am still small or still study in primary skull...
i really really hate tuition...
but dun noe why i like tuition very much now...
maybe the tuition centre's teacher quite good la...
or maybe teacher in skull really sux...

when i study in skull...
especially in pn tigerbeer's class..
i'll feel really really tired...really really boring...
tat's y i feel my english sux...
she's juz keep on concentrate on lite...
which i really dun like...
she also treat us like a 3 years old boy...
draw some pic after teaching one short story...
and i hate drawing too...

but dun noe why...
i feel very good to study in tuition centre...
maybe bcoz i alredi pay for it...
so i need to study properly..
but i won't feel tired in tuition centre..
bcoz got frienz...teacher who quite good in teaching..
juz sit there and listen...
so easy...
although my result still very...
i sit in the tuition for 10+ hours every week i think
but i think ok for me to sit longer inside...
at least no need to face some annoying teacher...
GURU CEMERLANG somemore...

sometimes i think if da tuition centre can bcome a private skull..
and everyday v study inside...
da skull sure bcome sekolah cemerlang.
although i still noob in study..

sienzz!!

2008-11-11T04:55:00.000-08:00

i am regret to listen to Zheng Yang....
Zheng yang called me to come to skull yesterday...
and den 2day when i go to skull...
i though bu yo will come but...
mei yi , bok chee, bu yo, travis, fern all absent 2day..
only Zheng Yang and me came to skul 2day...
actually Zyang juz wanna bercinta je...
u thought he suddenly bcome so rajin meh?

and den Zyang and me PONTENG 2day...
v juz walked oput from our skull through da back door....
and passed thru da primary skull...
where there's a perhimpunan there...
v juz walked and the teacher juz pretend didn't see us...
lolz....
maybe they also did tis last time when they're young....
tat's y they bcome a teacher....
haha~~

v went to fern's house....
changed clothes...
and den walked to SD club...
after tis v walked to WOK KEE...
had our breakfast there...
"da-bao" 6 char kuew tiao....
brought all the food back to skull...
and sold them for RM4....
pss....the char kuew tiao cost RM 3.80 each...
haha...
not my fault ok??
YC tai who untung....
and den v walked to bu yo's house...
played METAL SLUG...
get bored and went to saga to play basketball...
at tis time a malay guy who riding a motorcycle...
show the middle finger to all of us...
and screamed!!!@#$%^&
aiyo....actually he's juz jealous...
normal la...for us...

but lazy den go buy SLURPEE...go back to skull again...
play guitar...
sleep...
wait....
go home....
sleep...
bored....
on9...
play computer...
sleep....
eat...
shit...
bullshit here....
sleep....

BBQ rocks~!

2008-11-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

most of my best frienz got GF le...
i mean....
is couple but not couple also...
?!?!wat am i talking?

Travis likes plants....fern....
Zheng Yang wanna masuk Islam bcoz of "her"
Bu yo...got bf also....it's ME~~!!
"Joking la!!"tis is wat bu yo always say...

last saturday v juz have a BBQ party...
but i can only go for one place...
juz like wat bu yo said...
"chokdong ma...always b restricted by his parent's powerful dog kennel!"
lolz.....Joking la!!!
not bad la...v went t0 Metro Prima to buy food for the BBq party...
wat important to us....is Handphone...
u noe why?
bcoz v need the calculator inside....
v always calculate how much v can jimat....
juz like v can jimat up to 0.02 cent per gram if v buy brand A not Brand B...
Geng le!!
tis is da culture of Chinese geng....

in tis party v(travis, Zheng Yang, Bu yo and ME!!) invited JJ Lim....V Shuien...Yong Tick...
pss....actually v didn't invite Yong tick....
but since he asked us how didn't invite him....
and v r shy to say tat u r not invited...
OK la....juz invite him la...
since v r so generous....(got one more person to pay...)
hehe^^

tis time v BBq in travis's house...juz liike last time...
but wat's different is....
last time....v juz left the backyard after BBQ...
and den travis's mum cleaned everything....
and den v fell so sorry
and!!tis time!!v CLEANED da backyard after BBQ...
yeah!!!plz clap for us...

when v were BBQ-ing....
travis said tat he was full....
but he's "da-bao" some food for "plant"
haiz...why love are so powerfull....
until willing sacrifice for da "plant"
and den v ran to Fern's house...
bcoz v scared....
Fern lives in SAGA....da place where got same Kejadian Rompak...
v shouted when cars passed by...
like got 6 idiots(v shuien went back le...)

when v reached fern's house....
suddenly YT's mum called him to go home...
and den YT scared if he dun go bak to YC's house....
YT's parents won't let him to go to YC's house anymore...
which is wat exactly v hope for...
JOKING LA~!!
and den ran back to YC tai's house...

v also watched "Death note"
but maybe v dun noe how to appreciate it...
most of us started to sleep...
me, JJ lim and yang....go play Dota...
but actually it's only JJ who play da game...
me and ZY juz watch only...
JJ always said tat v bcome very geng everytime he died in da game...
and he die and die again and again...
and become MORE GENG-ER AND MORE GENG-ER
just now i talk in Pn Rosizan's english...
v played until 4.30pm....

and den da next day i went back to my house...
i juz sit on da sofa....slowly walked to my roon...
SlEeP...ZzzzZZzzZzzzzzzzZZZ.....

Woohoo~~@!!!!!!!!

2008-11-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

EXAM IS FINALLY OVER!!!!!
walauA!!!!
suddenly feel like last year when PMR is over....
4 weeks!!!exam for 4 weeks!!!
worse than PMR i think....
i calculated how long i sit on the chair....looking at the test paper....
thinking how to solve the question...
it's 34 hours or more!!
walauA....
got so many paper....
and it's so so hard!@!
especially Add Math Paper 2...
150 minutes....keep on writing...thinking....calculating....
scream....scare....stress...
at last i failed to finish all the question....
bcoz it's really hard....really really hard....
start to hate Pn Rajambal....but at least she taught us a lot....
although sometimes it's boring....

at least better than our GREAT principal...
our Great Principle always scold students who didn't wear their uniform properly....
but she scold like a auntie screaming in Pasar Malam to sell all her vege...
when she's s scolding students...they will nod....
OKOK!!OKOK!!
when she goes away....
they'll juz say...2day Principal maybe got...

long long time didn't update my blog le!!
bcoz i keep on study study during exam...
except i am sleeping or sitting for exam...
study like tis really can bcome "SIAO"
juz like wat i said..
my memory in my brain can be quite big
when something like exam stimulates it...
but after tis....my memory will start to REFORMAT....
and start to forget everything...
lolx...i dun noe why....
maybe it's bcoz i try to put everything into my little brain...
i really don't like to study like tis....
it's stressful....i studied until i cried....
tis shows how stressful i am...

my parents dun like me to study like tis also...
they realised when everytime exam i sure will study like tis...
and den i will be very tired...stressful...

i muz change the method i study!!!!!!
i wanna do...
5 add math question everyday!!
2 essay everyweek!!
muz finish all my exercise books 1 month b4 SPM!!
but everytime i set a target....
usually...failed....
OK!!!i muz do what i promised tis time!!!!!!

my mum VS da galz

2008-09-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

year-end exam is coming.....
coming......
still get 2 weeks only....
14 days....
336 hours....
20610 minutes.....
1209600 seconds....
i like to count time like tis....
it makes me feel better....
bcoz...the statistics will always proof tat...
i still got "many" seconds....

really lazy to study la....
as there r too much knowledge to put into my small brain...
i scare my brain cell will die immediately....
i start to think....

haiz....i still keep on thinking about her...
da galz....da pretty galz....
i get her pic from friendster....transfer it into my phone...
keep on looking at her...
i mean thru pic la....
i put her pic as my background pic too...
tat's y my mum knew about her....

i leave my phone on da table....
my mum wanna make call....
used my phone...saw da pic....shocked...
and....something terrible happens....
"dong!u know in future, u must choose a gf who r smart....got good personalities....not just preety only..."
"tat kind of girl will just make u suffer....not now...but on future..."
"hope u can rmb wat i said....can choose ur gf properly"
tat's all....
from her tone i know tat my mum doesn't really lke her...
but wat to do!?
i juz like her....no other reason....
juz da feel....
maybe my mum is right....
it's not love but like....
but i wanna ask a question...
Is there any difference between like and love?

lov3!! lov3!! lov3!!

2008-09-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

lov3!!
wat's tat??
but i'm sure i am addicted to her...
she's juz like a drug....worse den moffin....
n i am da only victim in tis world...
i can feel da pain....but dun noe y...
i still wanna suffer da pain....
da pain which i really enjoy it...
sometimes i even act like an idiot....
look at her pic...observe....zoom in....observe....
smile.....
like an idiot....

long time nvr update da blog alredi...
still addicted to da comp.....da kung fu world....
*all's jia jian's fault la!!*
lolz
got 3 words can describe my life...
boring.....
play.....
s**t!!!
ok....
i think tat's all for tis time...

poor mouse....dun find me when u r dead....

2008-09-10T23:38:00.001-07:00

yeah~~
in form 4 there's a dissection part in biology syllabus....
b4 tis i am so excited....
cool~~finally can dissect an animal....
da day b4 da dissection.....v still haven't decide wat animal v shud use....
at last Zheng Yang bought a little hamster....
which cost us RM 10....*v still haven't pay him although it's alredi 2 days ago...*
da next day....da 1st period is bio!!
v waiting for da hamster.....
meanwhile others brought frogs....and also fish.....
ZY, as usual, came to skul lately....
bringing da cute hamster....
OMG!!~!
da hamster is very very cute and also active!!!
i started to struggling...tat time....
da mouse can hold it's body by 1 hand or 1 leg..!!
so cute...!ran here and there....do exercises....
i wanna save it....so i suggested to dissect a fish which is alredi dead....
but...they refused to do so....
bcoz they wanna try as tis may be da only one chance or experience to dissect an animal..
ok...i shud not grab away da chance for them to try...
b4 v dissect da animal....v took a photo....
here is it....

cute rite!?poor mouse....
Travis Tai looks like a devil....who wan crushes da mouse

1st....v wanna make da mouse faint 1st...
by using chloroform....a toxic substance i think and let da mouse smell at it....
but....da mouse is really really active like hell....
v let it smell it for 20 minutes but still haven't faint....
and keep on struggling...maybe it juz wanna b alive....
at last it failed...and fainted....and slept....for forever.....
2nd v peeled da skin of da of da mouse...carefully......

*warning:disgusting pic....it's 18PL*

i think 1pic is enuf la....
da others is more disgusting la....
i still 15 photo and videos too...
if wanna c.....
juz leave me a comment....

last wednesday....during BC class...
v went to da bio lab to have a look at da frog's lung's cell...
and den....da BC teacher called a student to call us go back to BC class...
and den scolded us lo...
but v really nvr look at da lung cell ma....
haiz....
and den she wan all of us...to write a apologize letter....
ok!!watever!~
den ma write lo....
and den 2day....give it to teacher....
and den called us to do it all over again in a proper writing....
at last i am da one who wrote it....and the one who copy it again....
these few days really need pray liao....
kick away all da bad luck...
walau A!!
exam coming le!!

fall in love with....laziness....

2008-09-07T05:38:00.000-07:00

right now i fall in love with some one....
laziness....and also muka tembok....

2day....my mum called me to do some housechores...
den i said:"ok!"
and i still continue to watch TV....den go sleep...den 4get wat my mum call me to do...
oops!my mum started to scolded....blah blah blah....
den i juz dun care n go bak to my study room and pretend study only...
den my mum do the housechores alone....coz i noe she dun wan disturb me...
tis is y i like study....i mean pretend very hardworking la...

really really boring stayin at home n nth to do....
keep on watching TV...but sadly i dun have ASTRO at home....
but i really lazy to study or do housechores...
at last i go watch indian drama....
although it's reallly boring....
y still wan to c TV?
bcoz i really lazy to do work!!

wat i do is...eat....sh*t...sleep....play.....eat....sh*t....sleep....
tis life is really for sh*t...
walauA!!!
no social life....cannot bercinta....cannot go out wif my frienz....
cannot tis.... cannot tat...
and rite now i cannot on9....=(
(i dun noe y....)

aiyo...
rite now i am addicted to kung fu....
although it's a boring game...
but i still play it....
bcoz....lazy....

i got a gf now...
i hate my gf le...but i can't live without her....
she is....laziness....
she's not sexy, not cute....and she's not my cup of tea also....
(bu yo:"ni bu shi wo de cai!!") ^^
but dun noe y...
i can't live without her...
i wanna stop tis relationship....
anyone help me?

life is not according to ur study!!

2008-08-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

at last i didnt go 4 da xpdc...
but now i feel lucky...(lolx@!)
my patrol walked xtra 20 km...
and my frienzz...V shuien's legs sudah bengkak...
poor V shuien...

i feel really boring...doing nth at home
luckily i joined a camp...
at least better den stay at home
i bcome a...er....actually i also dun noe wat i am doin la...
like a buruh...tis time go do tat...den do tis...den do others...
juz like help any department when there's a need...

meanwhile...as i am doing my works....
a teacher wanna chat wif me!!
yeah!!i like chatting wif others...
den she asked about my studies...
den i said:"warh!!my study....*silient*...."
da teacher told me tat actually study is not everything for ur life...
for EX....
study....
kindergarten...3years
primary skul....6years
secondary skul...5years
Pre-U...2 years...
U...3years...
3+6+5+2+3+=19 years...
but u WORK for....around 30 years!!
so which one is more important!?
when u work...ur boss will look at ur study or ur work?
wat da boss wants is eficiency...determination....social skill...
NOT A NERD!!!
but...study can really help u a lot in ur works too!
so need to study...
but wif ur heart...wif passion...not juz to let ur parent syok syok sendiri!!
study not need b extremely good...but muz be at least pass...
muz at least u tried ur best....
but i am really lazy now....
i rite now didnt study...for 3weeks...
tis is not right...
plus rite now i am addicted to a game....KUNG FU WORLD...
lolx....all's jia jian's fault....
so be a good student...study...play...and life...
everything shud be good...
v shud not juz study but ignore the others...
if not ....no matter how much u studied...it's nth....useless....
useless....

sick?!shud i go to xpdc??

2008-08-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

2day....go to skul....play....ponteng....
den~!i felt dizzy....headache....
is it fever?
but i got to go for xpdc 2mrw!!
so how??
shud i ponteng?
but i alredi paid RM400+ for it!
wat a waste!!

but i cannot tahan dun sleep for so long time(20+ hours)!!
if i fall sick there,den ma cham!?
if i pull out rite now i sure kena bunuh by sir...
walauA!!~!

how!??
*struggling*

money money money!

2008-08-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

To bcome a pengakap
i really pay a lot for it...
RM 150 for da full uniform...
RM 150 for da ekspedisi trip
RM 30 for da transport to Melaka...
RM 15 for da registration fee
RM 70 for da special bag which can carry 10 kg of load...
150+150+30+15+70=RM415!
wow!!
tat's a big big number@@!!
T_T
y ang pou money....
juz flew away!

woohoo!~

2008-08-18T04:10:00.000-07:00

finally!!!
i got da jaya diri!!
but i didnt study at all bcoz of tis...

*exhaust*
zZZzZZzZZ...
fall asleep....

yeappi!!

2008-08-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

now is holiday!!
but sure very boring liao...
haiz...
like but also hate holiday...
cannot meet frienzz in skull...
but can relax in house...
can relax in house...
but need to help to do housechores...
den!??
if need to do housechores...means...NO RELAX LA!!
plus need to study somemore...
haiz...
really really lazy rite now...
try to get out of it... but cant....
juz like my frienzz...
maybe my frienz r the one who make me bcome so lazy...
lolx...everything blame my frienzz....

rite now...feel no hope for da final exam....
havent read...
PHYSICS....
BIO...
CHEM...
BC...
BI...
BM...
SEJ...
MORAL...
warh!!
tis means....
i still havent study anything yet!!
walau!!
if still dun study...
den sure die alredi!!!
oi!!CHOKY DONG!!
u better study now ar!!!
IF NOT @#$^&*
*@*

study!?

2008-08-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

tis few days i nvr study liao...
feel tat da life is meaningless la...
keep on doing da jaya diri...
and dun noe y i wan to finish it in 7 days...
dun noe why??
feel so empty...
da galz got bf liao...
T_T
thursday blue....
haiz...

still haven't decide whether wanna go to ekspedisi on not??
coz if i goin....den i have to skip for camp....
dun noe which one better...
and i start to SCARE...
da ekspedisi like need to buy many many things...
like food la...bag la...khemah la...
walauA
and bu yo not goin...
haiz...
den sure very boring...
since there's no idiot talking jokes to a stupid...
lolx

da galz give me POWER!!

2008-08-11T03:25:00.000-07:00

these few days i keep on focus in doin da jaya diri log book....
everyday b4 i start doin it...i'll set a target...
*for example*
ok!!2day i wanna do until page 100!!
if not i am not gonna pikat her!!
after tis....
i'll make sure tat i do until page 101!
i wont stop unless i finish it....
tat's how i keep on doin it at a high speed...
but sometimes really really tired but still do it...
coz i scare later if i failed to get my target...
later...da curse will really happen...
waluaE
so scary!!
den next time b4 i study i'll set a target like tis...
woo~~
maybe tis's da power of love...
actually it's still cannot consider as love la...
i think it's still like only la...!
coz i still dun noe whether it's really love...or coz of hormone!?
lolx...
hope tat my hormone lvl will b normal....

BU YAO ar!!!!
do get da jaya diri...
if not i'll be so lonely man...T_T
ZY and YC!!
u better get ur keahlian...
coz i wanna c our gang all wearing full U...
wow~~Yeng ar@!!

jayadiri...hard!!!

2008-08-10T02:09:00.000-07:00

OMG....
my friend...kwang YT told me tat there'll b a ekspedisi for pangakap....
we'll walking for 40 km....from KL to somewhere else....
it's sounds fun....and juz need to pay 4 da bus...and prepare RM150...tat's all...
coz there is no need to use $$$ as wat u need is ur legs...

but "term & condition apply"....
muz get jaya diri 1st...
tat's da main point...
to get da jaya diri...
u muz write a log book for 200 pages...fulled with word and pic...
and take test for 2 hours...
it's sound easy rite?!?
b4 tis i also feel like tis...
but once i start to do da log book...i gonna...faint...
so many!!!!!
@@@@@~~~!!!
walauE!!!
T_T
GamBaTeh!!
fight for it!!i wanna go to ekspedisi...
i go ask bu yo now...

penga.....kap!!

2008-08-06T05:08:00.003-07:00

2moro...gonna do performance la....
juz now v juz did rehearsal...
acting harry potter VS power ranger...
a quite stupid title...
but still not bad...
1st time i feel da patrol is getting better...
b4 tis i juz acting like a king....
wat i said...u muz do....
now think back feel tat I'm so selfish....
but wat to do??

yeah!!2moro i wearing full U!!
woohoo~~*syok syok sendiri*
aww....tis few days she didnt on9 man....
i wonder why....
waiting....coz always chat wif her...
if not very boring....although rite now got blog...
but i think maybe it'll be like my friendster...
when 1st time using it....very nice....
once i jemu...i'll throw it away...
tat's y i cannot bercinta...
bcoz...scare will hurt her heart....
so...wait...wait....
tat's a reason y i haven't say I LOVE U!!

shy...
i'm still very childish...
i still got many bad habits...
i try to bcome perfect in order to give her happiness...
i'm very bad in communication...tat's y i got a few friends only....
retarded...noob...not steady in doin jobs...lazy....
ARGH!!TOO MUCH!!~!

so~i'll try my best to bcome a perfect person....

although it's impossible...as there r no perfect person in da world...

tat's y i type "try"

i hate Pn Rosizan N Pn TigerBeer

2008-08-05T06:02:00.000-07:00

our bio teacher...really need some critical mental problem treatment....
after skull....although it's extremely tired.... but....still have to go to chinese lab...since i'm chinese student...
den i saw da Pn Rosizan...den i ask her about da result...
*she is da slowest teacher in marking test paper....*
at last wat i get is not my bio result...but many task to do...
bcoz Pn Rosizan said she FORGET...juz 6 alphabet....
F
O
R
G
E
T

she called me to buy cashew nut and peanut...tis suppose is her work...but rite now it's my work...
den i call bu yo....bu yo call tan, ben looi, Jen Weng...by scare them saying tat 10 marks will be deducted if they dun buy it...LOLX~~
Evil Bu Yo...*but i like it...*

i wanna make some video...when playin piano...cool~~
i am too lazy...tis is not me....
i wanna get out....i dun wan b lazy anymore...
nvr read...nvr study...nvr practice piano...juz sleep... eat....on9

i get the highest mark in Chinese....and title is....wat's da disadvantage of computer games...
a topic which i really dun wan to write....
but since i juz read lots lots lots of articles about computer....
bcoz wanna prepare for debate which is also on computer...
So Lucky...if not i'll get <70

CLASS!!HAVE U ALL SEEN MY BLUE MARKER PEN?!??
tis is wat Pn Thanbeer said during Pn Rajambal's class...
so loud....she showed no respect to the teacher who teaching....
and now i think i got no respect for her anymore....

i think i nvr show respect to her also....
nvr do hw...nvr listen to her....run here and there when she wanna check my hw...lolx~~
i am really BAD student...

skull sux...

2008-08-04T02:07:00.000-07:00

i have a headache now...
now feeling dizzy...

maybe it's all my skull's fault!!
now i wanna say:"MY SKULL SUX!!~!"
maybe u will say:"aww...why u say ur skull like tat?!?"
but, too bad...i am juz telling da truth!!

2day, my skull organized a really meaningless celebration...
MERDEKA!!MERDEKA!!MERDEKA!!MERDEKA!!MERDEKA!!MERDEKA!!MERDEKA!!
v screamed tis for 7 times...
den sang 2 songs..
*by shouting da lyrics out*
after tis v juz went back to our class...

as i passed thru 4 kiara...
!!!!
there's a poster...
blah..blah...blah...
i lazy to write it...
overall it's talking about the principle scolded and screamed to our BM teacher's sister i think...
bcoz da story i heard from my frienzz....

our skull's principle i think is da worst principle i ever see...
she always has a longest ceramah during perhimpunan...
and screamed like a pesakit sakit mental in pasar malam....
she really should go back to her hospital...

and now...
v dun have a very "good" BM teacher
bcoz she's really "rajin" and "interesting"
she always talk to....wall....
and none of us listen to her speech...

2day...got skull but no teaching....
haiz...if tis continue...i really dun noe wat will i get in da year-end exam...
and now i still thinking a very important question...
Should I go to SKULL 2moro??

and i'll waiting for her...
anyone who noes who she is plz zip up ur mouth...plz..

silient love

2008-08-02T20:38:00.000-07:00

aww...
i like a galz....
quietly...
hoping it can be true...
but somtimes i am quite "naughty"
sometimes like tis galz...2moro another galz...
but tis one i alredi like her for...er...around 2years??
she's not in my skull...not in my class...
v seldom talk to each others...
wat v use is juz MSN...SMS...
tat's all...coz i cannot find any excuses to communicate wif her...
not like last time...i can talk to her, smile to her, sms her, making fun of her...
but now no more...

she's quite preety...
and bad news is maybe she has a boyfriend...
which i think will be more handsome...
haha...wat to do??
since i am not...

*waiting*

da 1st time...

2008-08-02T07:27:00.000-07:00

tis is da 1st time i have a blog...
still cannot get used of tis...

er...
acctually b4 i wanna have a blog but in chinese...
but at last i am not...
bcoz tying chinese is a very tiring job...
need to key in han yu pin yin...choose words... blah blah blah...
not like english...

2day i juz went to sekinchan...
now only i realised tat acctually sekinchan is...
rocks??nope...
great??nope...
fun??nope...
BORING??yeah!!
juz go there...clean beach tat imposible to be cleaned...
buy things...mango...fish ball...
watch movies...some really violent movies...
*although it's a moral trip*
eat??OK la!!

these few days i never touch book or read them...
juz leave them on my table...ignore them...
as sometimes i really dun wan to touch them again...
they juz like a nightmare...
but...
without books somethimes i feel like nth to do
da life is meaningless...
wat i can do is surf internet...
which is very slow for me now...
i dun noe why??
cannot login MSN...youtube...

argh!!
how is my life gonna be??